Loud noises bother people or startle people, but Camryn can literally lose it from loud noises. Tonight, Dave was hammering some shingles on the roof. To be honest with you, so much was going on in here with the girls playing and me making dinner that I didn’t even notice the subtle noise.
For Camryn, this noise was not subtle at all. She was obsessing over what it was and when it was going to stop. She started crying, but has come a long way with being able to communicate to me that the noise hurts her ears.
I do my best to not lose it, but part of me wanted to tell Dave to leave the darn shingles off and care about the roof at a later date, like at a time when Camryn is not home. Her inconsolable crying is SO tough at times. Another part of me is still in shock that a little noise can put her completely overboard. I want to tell her it’s no big deal, it isn’t that loud, to suck it up, but try to refrain because that is so selfish of me. It is a big deal to her. It is loud to her.
Today was Autism Awareness Day. I have been reading on social media from parents of Autistic children that they are annoyed that Autism is being celebrated. People are annoyed that we are “lighting it up blue” for one day to show unity and that this is not in fact a call for celebration. I keep reading that this is not a life that should be celebrated. I wholeheartedly disagree. This isn’t a celebration of our lives, but this is a time to celebrate coming together and creating awareness. This is also a time to celebrate parents of Autistic Children because other parents lose their crap over the dumbest things, things that aren’t even on our radar. So I will celebrate. I will celebrate how far we have come. I will celebrate that tomorrow is a new day. I will celebrate that I didn’t “lose” it today. I will celebrate that I have become so much better at just letting some of it roll. I will raise awareness with the hopes that I can help one person. And if someone else is helped because of my life, that is a celebration.
PS— Right now Dave is grinding coffee. If he wakes her up, I will lose it and celebrate nothing.