Kids are weird. They do really strange things that most adults (I hope) don’t do.

Kids say really strange things.

Adults do this too.

One of my favorite aspects of life causes explosive  laughter that  results after someone says something funny.

I love laughing.

Sometimes too much.

Especially when it isn’t appropriately funny or at a time when you acting “all” professional is the only requirement.

For example, have you ever been in a meeting and a glance to or from certain coworkers  results in someone suddenly having to go to the bathroom because they are about to explode in laughter?

Laughter is the way I get close to people.

It defines how my family functions.

My FRIENMILY, (Think Bennifer, Brangelina, Billary) often victims of the laughter that takes place because of something I  said in reaction to something they said, love me for this.

My humor wears on my mother, but that is age related. I just don’t have the heart to tell her.

I tend to surround myself  with people who can dish it right back and am proving to rank with top Jedi Level training experts (that sounds important) because Camryn is ADVANCED in the sarcastic department.

This was the conversation that occurred at dinner with my Mom and Camryn while we were  eating at McDonalds. PS- I could eat McDonald’s every day of my life.

Mom: (Very Kindly) Cam, wipe your face. You have a little leftover food.

Camryn: (Smirking- Speaking in the teenage “I know more than you do” voice)- I’m saving it for later, Ladylike. (Her nickname for my Mom.❤️)

Take. That. IQ Score.

CALL TO ACTION– ON A SERIOUS NOTE REGARDING MY HOME-LIFE , I am a victim of  shear craziness everyday.

(I added home- life because Dave is on this list, but the title couldn’t be Creepy Dads and Kids.)

If I don’t laugh, I may suffer from PTPD- Posttramatic Parenting Disorder.

PAUSE- God, please don’t let PTPD be a real thing. I feel like I have already gotten a lot from the POST category: 

Postransfusion- I had lots of blood transfusions.

Postoperative- I’ve been operated on.

Postpartum- A. Depression B. Anxiety C. Psychosis D. ALL OF THE ABOVE

Postal- Museum… My Dad made me go and I had to due to his current state. It was so boring. I complained the whole time so he could relive the early years. I am such a bucket list filler. 

Postdialysis

Postcardiac

Post-Colombian- This made me remember how great Narcos was on Netflix. Stick with Season Three. It is well worth it.

Postexercise- I read about everyone’s postexercise on Facebook. If I am lucky, there are pictures too.

Postgraduate- I tell my kids all the time… “I DO NOT need your help parenting. I have a MASTERS Degree in Education. 

Postcareer- 👩🏻‍🏫

Postanesthesia- I get so sick. They let me chew gum. That is the only thing that works.

Postsleep- Slang for Coma

Postpsychotic- Yes, there were voices.

PostinFLUenzal- Get your flu shot!!

Postramatic- To say the least.

 

Okay, I think I covered everything.

Introducing MY WEEK and by the way, I started this list Tuesday and it is only Thursday. Comment so we can hear stories. Do you have tales from your crazy land??

  1. Courtney woke up in the middle of the night and stood beside my bed. She was breathing heavily and creepy stared at me. This led to me feeling terror as I woke up and pictured this opening scene from a gem of a movie.The next morning I discovered it was Aubrey in my bed. Oops. Wrong twin. I know they ARE 7, but they really look-alike in the middle of the night and in the pool. Identical twins look a lot alike while in the pool with goggles. I guess when wet in general. As babies, I never knew who I was bathing.

You are SO welcome for that pointless observation.

 

2. They love their toys…AFTER I place them in trash bags for Goodwill. One day after school, I was able to review math as we kept tackling this equation.

I put in + they empty + repeat =  give up WITH a remainder of a messier basement

 

3. Picture this: Twenty minutes into being home from school the dictators I live with begin spewing questions at me as if I am under investigation.

Can you tell me what I was supposed to do again?

You told me to do that?

       What do you mean Math Homework?

What library book?

Can I have a bite?

Can you get that for me?

Can you help me find my shoes?

Why does your skin feel like that?

Have you always had that line on your face?

When will my hair have grey pieces like your hair?

These are my typical answers that are likely applicable to most ridiculous questions. Feel free to use or share your own with me. I could use few new ones…

“Umm no, seriously, IN your binder, if I have to buy another library book on Amazon,  seriously, never , thank you, it was a gift, really, no, did you really just ask that, I told you that 200 times, where did I go wrong, paybacks, I need help, Jesus take everything not just the wheel, is this a joke, are you videotaping this, you can’t be serious, I am so over this, do you need a star chart, stop the madness, no one would believe my life, I can’t even, when is daddy getting home, I am in timeout.”

 

4. Dave was in the kitchen. I was in the bathroom, sitting. Not sitting and hiding like I sometimes do, real sitting. A child of mine (who knows the layout of our house)entered the bathroom and asked ME for a snack. She bypassed Dave who was standing in the room that stores all of our food. He is the  logical person to ask, and likely will always say yes.

 

But you see it is more than a snack. This is a major issue. They stalk me. I think they think I miss them when I am alone.

 

5. Another child of mine communicated an illness at 4:45PM.

Child: This has been happening for Dayyyysss.

My Thoughts:  But you are telling me at the worst time and  you know I don’t believe you because I compare everything to almost dying.

 The pediatrician’s office didn’t have appointments and this illness did not require Urgent Care.

 MY phone conversation with the receptionist (NOT over Bluetooth) is incorrectly interpreted the next day and my miraculously healthy child tells my friend that I won’t take her to the doctor…ever.

 

I wonder what joy tomorrow will bring.

 

Please don’t forget to share and comment on life in your crazy house! Someone must have been having a crazier week! 

 

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11 Comments

  1. Chelsea Payne on October 26, 2018 at 1:12 am

    Having five boys there is never a dull moment.Two kids lost teeth and in my house its a BIG deal because they very rarely lose then. Dentist said they are just late bloomers. I never knew the amount of baby teeth I would be hoarding in my purse (which is also the diaper bag.) Nothing like waiting in line to pay in Wegmans and having to move six envelopes of teeth!
    Also, speaking of doctors appointments. I unknowingly sent my very sick child with strep to school two days in a row because he complains about everything and I believed it was just another one of his colds. Nope, totally full blown strep and sinus infection. Pretty sure urgent care thinks Im crazy and neglectful.( Or it could be my anxiety talking.) I refused to pick up the amoxicillin that was over an hour away and waited until the next day at our pharmacy against doctors orders.

    Mommin aint easy!!! 🤦



  2. Heather Cavey on October 26, 2018 at 2:58 am

    I have so missed Mom Battles.



  3. Kristi Hertzog on October 26, 2018 at 6:36 am

    I am hoping to catch up on some missed time! I am glad you missed it though! 💕



  4. Kristi Hertzog on October 26, 2018 at 6:41 am

    We have all been there though! I always wait to take. A very young Brynlee fell asleep in exhaustion at the doctor because she had strep for longer than a couple days. Mom of the year!! 😂



  5. Gail Kulp on October 26, 2018 at 8:20 am

    I have missed Mom Battles too! And, I love your Mom’s nickname!!!



  6. Molly on October 26, 2018 at 11:46 am

    JS tells me he’s saving food for later as well when it’s stuck in his beard. He & Cam really are kindred spirits.



  7. Kristi Hertzog on October 26, 2018 at 1:49 pm

    Thanks Gail!! 💕



  8. Kristi Hertzog on October 26, 2018 at 1:50 pm

    Right?? We need a reunion!!



  9. bsmiskoaolcom on October 27, 2018 at 12:22 pm

    Early in the raising of my 4 children, I found myself dressing quickly in the morning and running on high all day. One day while walking down the aisle in Genuardis while grocery shopping, I felt something at ankle level. I looked down to see yesterday’s panty hose trailing out of the bottom of the slacks I had pulled on hurriedly in the morning. Instead of being mortified (what I think is a normal response) I started laughing aloud uncontrollably as I reached down and pulled the hose out of my leg opening like a magician with the mile-long scarves! I was disappointed to be alone in the aisle as I would have enjoyed sharing the moment. I often wondered what the loss prevention person was thinking as he or she viewed this routine on camera!!! Keep laughing Kristi, the alternative adds no joy to life and is not as memorable!!!



  10. Kristi Hertzog on October 27, 2018 at 10:16 pm

    I love this story and can picture it perfectly! Thanks for sharing!! 💕



  11. Heather Cavey on October 28, 2018 at 6:10 am

    Chelsea. This has me hysterical as I did the same thing years ago. I m tall so pulling the pantyhose out of my pants took a while. I was in church when it happened. 🤣



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