When Camryn wasn’t reaching developmental milestones at such a young age, it was temporally all about Me and how awful this made ME feel.
I’ll never forget spending time at the beach with a friend who had a child a few months older than Camryn. It was one of the hardest weeks of my life. I watched in such jealously as I compared Camryn to this other child. Every night I would secretly call Dave in tears.
At this point, Early Intervention had yet to start and I was clueless on how to navigate the system. This isn’t exactly on your registry list at Babies R Us. It is amazing though that through this storm the services would end up being great and I would discover that I was Cam’s Mom for a reason.
I NEEDED to have a child with a disability. I know that now. It changed the course of my life. It stopped becoming about me and it shaped my marriage even more and we really started our walk with the Lord.
We had a choice. We could stray or turn our eyes towards the purpose. Don’t get me wrong, we were so sad at times. I cried through appointments, IEP Meetings, Therapy Sessions and ABA Team Meetings. But, I learned to become more patient and persistent. I had to decide to never give up, but to grow up!
Our world is so imperfect. I know this, but I still questioned God so many times. Sometimes I still do. Overall though, I have decided that this is His plan for her life and His plan for the direction of our life.
I’ve said this before. I see 11 year olds and wonder what she would be like if she were a typical 11year old. Would she be like Brynlee or more like Aubrey or Courtney? As I write this, I am overwhelmed that I know now that she is more like Jesus. None of the other comparisons matter.
If my faith and hope weren’t that we will one day be in Heaven together, I would feel so hopeless. I know that one day I will celebrate with Camryn as she runs, jumps and talks my ear off in the presence of Jesus. I can’t wait for this, but I will continue to enjoy the moment and fight with all of my power to make her life a life filled with joy, opportunities and endless possibilities.