You’ll never know how much you saved me today. You’ll never know the power of your words.
You see, yesterday and the day before, I was a really bad mom. I was impatient. I yelled. I was sarcastic. I may have even been mean. I was stressed and grumpy and tired and Sick. Of. It. All.
I had to go shoe shopping and my kids act like Goldilocks in every shoe store. Too tight, too big… when will something be JUST RIGHT?
One of them told me she was “over” summer and ready to go back to school. What? I act like a cruise director all summer long and you are over it? I wished more homework on that child during the first week than her little hand could handle.
I cried. I laid in my bed both nights and cried.
I cried because Camryn’s REALLY Autistic this week. Her ears are like that of a dolphin. She is crying incessantly because everything is hurting her ears. She is also terrified that it MAY rain. This is new. She perseverates about the dark clouds or over the mention of an impending storm. I just couldn’t do Autism this week.
I cried because two summers ago when Brynlee would ask to do a craft, play a game or play Barbies while Aubrey and Courtney were napping, I would sometimes say no because I “needed” to get other things done. Now when I ask her to do a craft or play a game she sometimes says no. Did the no hurt her as much as it hurt me when she said it this week?
The past two mornings, I wrote in my prayer journal and begged Jesus to make this easier. Why is parenting so hard? What am I doing wrong? Help me. Where are you?
And then, in the check out line at Target, your words became more powerful than the replay tapes in my mind. You turned around, looked at me and spoke such kind words to me. You told me that you heard me with my girls throughout Target and every time you heard us, you would smile. You told me that you loved how patient I was, how nice they were to each other and how we all spoke so respectfully to one another. You complemented how much I talk to them and how much we laugh.
I laughed. I told you I was thankful that you didn’t meet me yesterday.
But I got in the car and cried. Jesus answered my prayers. I needed someone to speak life into me. This is a tough job and today I received a good evaluation from you and my bratty kids were there to witness just how awesome we are doing as a family during our two hour tour of Target. Two hours because Camryn makes us walk up and down Every. Freaking. Aisle.
Maybe a stranger’s words can erase some of my mistakes.
I go through phases where I attack myself as a Mom. I doubt myself; I question myself; I compare myself.
You were nicer to me than I was being to me.
Some days are hard. Some days I am exhausted. Today though, you helped me to look at things from a much softer angle. As a mom, I need to be easier on myself. I am doing the best job I can. I was picked to parent four crazy, loud, spicy, fun and FULL of ideas and opinions girls.
My mom friend in Target thinks I was made for the job. I need to start thinking that too.