I know my purpose in life is to be a teacher. From a very young age, I knew that I belonged in a classroom. I always felt the need to teach. So today I am going to teach you two parenting techniques for parents who are completely out of energy, have given up, want to nap, what to rethink the decisions that were made 12 or 7 or 6 years ago(in my case) or just need some new armor to face the war and win the battle against our kids.

Let’s face it, we are all in this together, so the more tips we give one another the easier this parenting thing can be. Like a teacher, if you aren’t a step ahead and planned well, you will get eaten alive. The “perfect” infants that we reproduced, turn into the same kids that will eat us alive.

I hope that through these techniques, you will learn:

  1. Avoidance
  2. A Way Out

 

Part I- Avoidance

Decision making is often tough when you have kids and you aren’t supervising them appropriately.  Sibling attacks are often happening in our house, car, at the park, grocery store…

Actually wherever my kids are gathered and without security cameras, it is often difficult to determine who in fact is telling the truth regarding the attacks.

On a side note, I never believe my kids, so when they are all involved, it is tough for me to pick a side. Because of this dilemma, I have started holding the kids accountable through a tribal council.

Let me explain by giving you a scenario. I just walked into my house after getting up at 5:10 am, getting ready for work, working with teenagers all day, getting Camryn from her school van, waiting for Aubrey and Courtney to arrive home and then getting them back in the car to go get Brynlee.

We arrive home and I am in full Mary Poppins mode. I am so excited to see them. They are so excited to see me. We eat a snack, talk about our day… you can almost hear the birds chirping in the background. At this point, we are existing in a pure utopia.

Fast-forward…..The kids are now ready to play and they are so happy to see one another. They all head to the basement and my world turns into a dystopia. I hear a scream. Silence. Crying. Loud footsteps. Identifying child through footsteps. Mom trying to hide. Mom found. Crying child approaching telling me a horrific, detailed story. Second, third and fourth child approach. They are all yelling. Mom reaching for hidden flask. All stories being yelled are slightly different.

Frankly, I was OVER this. I had no clue who was telling the truth. I couldn’t pick a side. SO…..I went into battle mode. I stopped the screaming by telling them that we were having an amazing dessert tonight. I explain through sensory details what exactly the dessert will be, praying that I can reproduce.  I explain the fate of the originally blamed child will be in the hands of Daddy and the other three sisters.

Through a Tribal Council, the majority will vote if the alleged perpetrator deserves dessert. The perpetrator’s behavior needs to improve instantly to even get a second chance at dessert. So far, the behavior always improves.

Fast-forward… Daddy walks in the door. We eat. Over dinner, I explain the events that allegedly unfolded. No one is allowed to speak as I share all of the allegations that were presented.

After dinner, we will vote. Daddy and the three sisters receive a piece of paper. The “guilty” waits. Everyone writes a Y or an N on the paper to decide if the other sibling receives dessert tonight.

The papers are folded and handed to Mom. Miraculously, the guilty is proven innocent, everyone eats dessert and we are once again surviving in almost perfect harmony.

Tune in soon, so I can share my second tip. I was supposed to write it in this blog, but I have lesson plans, laundry, need to at least login to my graduate class so it appears as if I am working, and ugh….never mind, I HEAR A SCREAM…

Advertisements

3 Comments

  1. Pop-pop Hertzog on October 26, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    Growing up, our tribal councils usually presented the guilty party with two options: 1. Jump into the volcano or 2. Be burned at the stake. Being one of 10 siblings makes me wonder how large a family we may have had without all those council meetings.



  2. Granny & Pop Pop on October 26, 2016 at 2:02 pm

    You never cease to inspire but I take exception to this one. Our granddaughters are perfect in every way – therefore you never need to hold a tribal counsel. They are also beautiful, smart, talented and simply awesome. And they also get along like angels. Actually, after having them with us for a few days this past summer, make sure you give the second tip soon! Love, Granny and Pop-Pop.



  3. Emily on October 28, 2016 at 2:02 pm

    This is hilarious! I want the two year old to be bigger so I can hold tribunals! My mother’s motherhood motto was “choose your battles!” In the next breath she told me she never chose any 😉



I would love to hear from you. Your comments and shares are appreciated so much!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.