IMG_1176

As I slowly opened my eyes, I kept blinking to help them adjust. Everything was blurry and I felt as if I were wrapped in a very deep fog. I tried to move my head, but it was impossibly heavy. I tried to lift my arms, but they felt like bricks. I felt a heaviness that was weighing me down like an anchor.

I tried my best to determine where I was. I knew I was stuck, but wasn’t sure what was holding me down. My ears began to adjust to some of the noises that were surrounding me. I heard a sucking sound and what followed sounded like heart beats. I detected beeping, high pitched beeping coming from every direction. Where was I?

It was dark, yet oddly fluorescent. Fluorescent enough for me to observe that I was surrounded by machines. By slightly turning my head I saw what looked like partly opened sliding glass doors covered with semitransparent curtains that didn’t touch the floor allowing for a gap that gave view to the occasional feet walking by. The opening was wide enough to hear the slight murmuring of voices. Where was I?

The transparency of the curtains gave me a glimpse of what looked like cubicles. Why was I sleeping in an office? Why would someone bring me to an office to sleep?

The beeps and humming continued and eventually lulled me to sleep. I opened my eyes again and was filled with panic. After what seemed like a long delay, a pretty 20 something year old was telling me that everything was okay and that I was agitated and that I was going to be okay.

I tried to talk, but she gently told me I couldn’t. She told me Dave would be back soon, that he never usually left, but he just went to quickly get a shower. Left where? How did she know Dave? Tears dripped down my face and I stared at her in fear, a fear that filled me with a feeling that I was in grave danger.

I could tell through her body language that she was hurting for me. She wanted Dave to return as desperately as I did. She told me she would call him and quickly left me alone. I felt so isolated and so afraid. Who was she? Where was I?

She returned and sat with me and together we listened to the beeping and the whistling. She told me a little about her life, but never mentioned anything about me. Where was I? Who was she?

Finally a familiar face rushed into the room. Dave stormed in with tears in his eyes and a look of such joy. Joy? Why did he look so happy?

He sat with me, held my hand and told me everything was going to be okay as I fell back asleep still wondering where I was, but not able to muster the energy to begin putting any of the pieces of the puzzle together.

It would take months to put the puzzle together, the worst months of my life.

 

Advertisements

32 Comments

  1. Trish Monaghan on May 3, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    This story still touches my heart. Although with different outcomes, we both were blessed to have survived.

    Thank you for sharing your story and your faith.



  2. Lex on May 3, 2017 at 10:41 pm

    Thank you for sharing Kristi. It certainly is a puzzle; A very complicated overwhelming puzzle that can only be constructed one piece at a time. It’s an emotionally painful journey, having to start from the bottom and work your way up to the top. Once you finally reach that place of normalcy, you realize that it’s a new normal, since you are forever changed. There is no endpoint on this journey and that is the lesson I’ve learned from my own struggles with PTSD.



  3. Kristi on May 3, 2017 at 10:41 pm

    Thanks Trish!!



  4. Donna steinman on May 3, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    Oh my, your story brings tears to my life. Your ability to put emotions into words is a gift.. do keep writing as you are an inspirition. I remember when u gave me ur first report on your daughter….we chatted!



  5. Ruth Clow on May 3, 2017 at 10:53 pm

    I remember those days – the prayers ascending to God’s very throne for you were numerous and unrelenting. My whole family was praying, especially my mother, who never met you but considered it an honor to intercede on your behalf. You are a walking miracle! Who knows how many lives you have touched and will continue to touch?!



  6. Lori Lindsey on May 4, 2017 at 12:26 am

    Love you girl. ?



  7. Kellyann Mitchell on May 4, 2017 at 6:22 am

    Still such a story of hope!



  8. Barbara McEvoy on May 4, 2017 at 6:54 am

    What a journey you’ve had. Life throws all sorts of challenges at us. You are truly blessed with a supportive and loving husband and beautiful children. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Kristi!



  9. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 7:39 am

    Thanks Barb. We hope to see you Friday!!



  10. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 7:39 am

    Love you too!!



  11. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 7:40 am

    Hope is such a great word to describe any challenge. That is what gets us through. ❤️



  12. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 7:40 am

    We witnessed the power of prayer!! ❤️



  13. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 7:41 am

    Thanks Donna. I love putting my thoughts on paper. You helped me and I hope to turn around and help at least one person.



  14. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 7:43 am

    It is so comforting when people just get it. We all are on a journey and you never know what someone is going through!! ❤️



  15. Ashley on May 4, 2017 at 8:40 am

    Chills reading this Kristi. ?



  16. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 9:09 am

    Thank God it is in the past!!



  17. David M. Hertzog on May 4, 2017 at 9:47 am

    A time of many prayers, many tears and much support from family, friends and community. Thank You Jesus!
    “See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us…” 1 John 3:1



  18. Lois King on May 4, 2017 at 11:48 am

    Hard to find words that describe how I feel after. Reading this. Only words are “God is good”❤️



  19. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    ❤️❤️



  20. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    All the time!!



  21. Megan Kratz on May 4, 2017 at 7:32 pm

    Your story and journey always grips my heart. I remember the urgency we all had to pray. I remember never wanting to stop praying. We never gave up praying and NEVER gave up in your LIFE. We stood on the Word speaking it over you as we prayed. I can remember the cloudy day that I screamed at the enemy I was so over him trying to destroy your life. I would pace back and forth in my tiny family room yearning for God to heal you, to wake you, to use your LIFE for His glory. I remember things changing in room I remember the heaviness was lifted I screamed I knew you were going to live…. I emailed Louise I recall that it lifted her and we together agreed. I just knew but we didn’t stop praying but the hope was beginning to rise and rise. I don’t understand His mighty plans but I do know He’s using your LIFE for His glory. You are His precious gem and I’m so glad to be in your life.
    Your story always grips me but Your writing stirs me and awakens me. I’m thankful For the Lord everyday. He’s so faithful! Xo



  22. Tina on May 4, 2017 at 8:06 pm

    This made me cry…. you are one amazing girl ❤️



  23. Lindsey on May 4, 2017 at 8:18 pm

    Holy moly reading this gave me the chills, the feeling of anxiousness, and tears rolled down my cheeks thinking of the joy Dave was feeling. Love you girl!



  24. Rebecca Dampf on May 4, 2017 at 9:13 pm

    Such a scary time for you. You have come so far! Thank God you are here to tell your story.



  25. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    Thanks!! ❤️



  26. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    Love you too!!



  27. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    Thanks! You are too!!



  28. Kristi on May 4, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    I owe it all to the Lord!! ❤️❤️ Thanks for being a prayer warrior.



  29. Lisa Waters on May 5, 2017 at 5:43 pm

    Kristi, we all prayed so hard! I started a prayer chain at my school and our teachers and staff donated money that I took to one of the fundraisers and gave to your sister. Our whole house held you close and awaited updates on you, as well as the twins, Dave and the girls. It felt like we were all holding our breath, trying to breath for you and send our energy. My husband had your niece in class and tried to be there for her. My boys participated in so many events for you and your family, but the best day was the day you went to NAHS with the twins for yearbook. They could not stop talking about it. We were so happy and so honored that the Lord allowed us to have you back! PTSD sucks and people don’t understand it, to the point of not recognizing the seriousness of it and some lightly use the term to describe every little thing. It is a trauma 99% of people will never experience! Keep writing Kristi! When you put all this together, into a book, I will be one of the first ones to buy it! Your smile and laugh puts sunshine in my life! I will always love you!



  30. Kristi on May 6, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    You are so sweet. You and your family hold a special place in my heart!! ❤️❤️❤️



  31. Bobbi Smisko on July 24, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    I remember so well. There were people all over the world praying. I am sure you know that now, but at the time it was so amazing to me. One time I was in a doctor’s office and a woman I had just met was telling me about praying for a woman she had heard about and gave a few of the details. Kristi, it was you she was taking about. This scenario played over and over again in my life over the weeks you were in the hospital. I passed your name to a prayer chain that had contacts overseas, and I am sure others did as well. You had around the globe prayer coverage. It was truly a remarkable sign of God’s people coming together to support one person. A beautiful thing!



  32. Kristi on July 24, 2017 at 9:44 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing this!! The power of prayer… We felt it!!’



I would love to hear from you. Your comments and shares are appreciated so much!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.